I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
