I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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