I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
they need to just BURY HIM!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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