In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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