3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
