Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
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