Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
tell me about the fingering
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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