shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
