if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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