Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
sarcasm needs its own font
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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