SEEEEXXX PLEASE
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
