hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
