I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
