This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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