I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Randomize
