Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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