You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
