I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize