Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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