i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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