I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
