There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
