u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
