Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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