carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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