i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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