I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
