he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
