I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
