Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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