You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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