I'm eating all of the evidence.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
