Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
