I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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