That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
What a dumb baby whore.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
