I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
