my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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