PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I need a beard to bite.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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