I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
