yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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