he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
