just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's blow job season.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
