STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
