Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
