I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
