Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
