I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize