i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
They are going to name an STD after you.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
