I just pynch a tree in the face
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
