I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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