Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
