Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
