My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
