Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
