sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
