she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
