Betty ford says i'm here all night
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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