my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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