He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
