I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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