My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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