omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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