She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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