wanna go halves on a baby?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
