I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
