Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
