Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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