So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I think my moral compass just broke
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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