i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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