just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
