Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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