I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
