so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
