can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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